"Crush"

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Episode 14 of Season 5

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“I’ve changed, Buffy.”

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Original US airdate: February 13th, 2001 (aired directly before the Angel episode "The Thin Dead Line")

Rewatched: January 21st, 2023

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• Writer: David Fury

• Director: Daniel Attias

• Guests: Mercedes McNab, Charlie Weber, Amber Benson, Juliet Landau, Kristine Sutherland

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In this episode, Spike must face his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend and his crush, and navigate what exactly love means to him and the women in his life.

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First, let’s talk about Harmony, who is technically Spike’s current girlfriend. But Spike’s not all that into her and Harmony might finally be fully grasping that, although at the beginning she is still trying to save her relationship, even dressing up like Buffy for Spike. But at the end of the episode, Harmony is trying to shoot Spike with a crossbow and leaving town. Although it’s hard to fully have sympathy for Harmony, since she wasn’t very nice as a human and being a vampire means she’s evil now, it’s good that she’s finally figured out that Spike will never be the relationship for her.

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Second, let’s talk about Drusilla. She arrives in town via train (but not with Darla) to get Spike to go to LA with her. She recounts what’s been going on up there, but Spike doesn’t want to go. His last trip to LA did not end well. With Spike freshly rejected by Buffy, Drusilla is able to convince Spike to join her in hunting and Spike does feed from a patron at the Bronze who Drusilla has killed for him. But, on returning to the crypt and finding Buffy there, Spike decides to tie up both Drusilla and Buffy, and try to win Buffy’s love by staking Drusilla. When Buffy says it won’t change anything, Spike threatens to let Drusilla drink from Buffy. Harmony’s arrival with a crossbow distracts Spike, and Drusilla is able to get free. When Dru goes for Buffy, Spike saves Buffy, showing Dru once and for all that Spike is now in love with Buffy (as she sensed long ago). Drusilla also leaves Sunnydale.

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Two interesting points are that Spike calls Dru his salvation. In many ways, she was, but it will ultimately be Buffy (and Spike’s own actions) that are his salvation. Also, Dru, in contrast to what Angel said to Darla on Angel, claims that vampires can love. This may depend on the vampire. For example, in season 2, the Judge claims that Drusilla and Spike have human feelings, but Angel doesn’t. It may be possible that personality differences of the humans who are sired continue to inform some of the differences here. Liam didn’t seem to particularly care about much as a human, but William was a poet, perhaps marking Spike’s ability to retain some more depth of feeling as a vampire. It may also be possible that how vampires are sired plays a role. Darla and Angel embraced their siring (Darla was happy not to die and Angel wanted an adventure), whereas Drusilla did not want to be sired, which may have allowed her to retain more humanity in the process, and pass this on to Spike when she sired him (he was also willing). This would also fit with the fate of the one person Angel sired after he had a soul, who seemed to receive a small spark of a soul as well, preventing him from fully embracing being a vampire.

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Finally, let’s look at Buffy. At the beginning of the episode, Willow and Tara discuss Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Tara’s explanation that Quasimodo’s love was selfish, so of course he couldn’t end up with Esmeralda, is definitely as apt summary for Spike’s love of Buffy. Then we see Spike at the Bronze, having a friendly chat with Buffy and wearing a new outfit with a blue shirt and a brown leather jacket. Buffy is not keen on the softer side of Spike and sends him packing. Then Dawn doesn’t come home from school and instead goes to see Spike, who she kind of has a crush on. Buffy calls Dawn on her crush, but Dawn says Spike likes Buffy. Then Spike claims to have a lead on the vampires who killed a bunch of train passengers and he takes Buffy on a stake-out date.  Buffy asks him if it’s a date.

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Spike tells Buffy he loves her, but it does not go well. Buffy rebuffs him, claiming that he hasn’t changed, he only has a chip, which is holding back his true self (and that he readily hunted with Dru does back up that assertion). Buffy also says he doesn’t know what feelings are (this may not be true). Buffy leaves, but ends up trying to find Spike later, to fully explain that she doesn’t have feelings for him. Instead, she ends up chained in Spike’s crypt. Once Buffy is free, and Harmony and Drusilla have fled, Spike follows Buffy home. Spike is hopeful, since this is their usual deal – they fight, they come to a truce. Spike claims Buffy can’t keep him out, but it turns out she can. Willow performed a spell and Spike is now unable to enter Buffy’s house.

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Although Buffy wasn’t (and really never has been) nice to Spike in this episode, and it could be argued she uses him (asking for his help when she needs it, pushing him aways when she doesn’t), and Spike also chooses to let this happen. He could leave Sunnydale. He could not help Buffy. He could form a healthy relationship with someone who will love him back. But instead, he exhibits a lot of disturbing behavior in this episode (and has been exhibiting it for awhile – he’s taken Buffy’s clothes, made a shrine to her, tried to sabotage her relationship with Riley, won’t take no for an answer). While many fans ended up shocked at Spike’s behavior after Buffy broke it off in season 6, the groundwork is laid here. When Spike gets what he wants, he doesn’t display his disturbing side, but if he doesn’t get what he wants, he will try to manipulate the situation. He is not, at this moment in time, a good guy at all. And at the end of this episode, he is all alone.

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"I Was Made to Love You"

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Episode 15 of Season 5

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I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.”

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Original US airdate: February 20th, 2001 (aired directly before the Angel episode "Reprise")

Rewatched: January 28th, 2023

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• Writer: Jane Espenson

• Director: James A. Contner

• Guests: Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson, Kristine Sutherland

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In this episode, an encounter with April, a robot constructed by Warren to be the ultimate girlfriend, helps Buffy re-think her relationship with relationships.

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Although Warren constructed April to be perfect, he soon lost interest in her and then fell for Katrina, who he is now dating. (Both Warren and Katrina will be seen again in season 6). April was left behind and somehow managed not to deplete her batteries (Buffy rightly calls out Warren for not saying anything to April and just leaving, which is somewhat reminiscent of Riley and her own issues with communication, but perhaps on an even greater level). She’s now in Sunnydale looking for him. April nearly kills Katrina, angry that Katrina is lying to her about being Warren’s girlfriend, and then Buffy fights April. Although April nearly bests Buffy, her batteries do run down and the two share a moment on the swings. April is confused by Warren’s actions. As she says “I’m only supposed to love him. If I can’t do that, what am I for? What do I exist for?”

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This encounter helps Buffy reassess who she wants to be. The episode starts with her feeling down about Spike’s crush, and about her lack of a boyfriend, having sent the last two out of town. She wonders if she’s the problem and what she could have done differently to keep a guy, like slaying less or laughing more. Xander does assure her that Buffy just needs to be Buffy and “he’ll see your amazing heart and he’ll fall in love with you.” Then, at a spring break party, Buffy runs into Ben, who invites her for coffee (and has a line reminiscent of Scott’s line about giving Buster Keaton a chance, only this time it’s about giving coffee a chance). Buffy is at first reticent but seizes the (next) day and calls Ben to make a date. However, at the end of the episode, Buffy has decided not to run headlong into love again and cancels.

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The episode ends with Spike, still heart-broken and angry, ordering the Buffybot from Warren, who will play a role in future episodes.

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Finally, a note on Joyce. She begins this episode fully recovered and ready for a date. After Ted and Dracula, it seems like Brian is finally a nice guy. He sends flowers the next day, which Buffy comments on when she returns home. However, in this very last scene, Joyce is seen on the couch, not looking very alive. The show ends on a cliffhanger, with Buffy calling her mother, ending by saying “Mommy”. The next episode is not looking to be bright.     

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"The Body"

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Episode 16 of Season 5

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“It’s always sudden.”

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Original US airdate: February 27th, 2001 (aired directly before the Angel episode "Ephiphany​")

Rewatched: February 4th, 2023

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• Writer: Joss Whedon

• Director: Joss Whedon

• Guests: Randy Thompson, Amber Benson, Kristine Sutherland

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In this powerful episode detailing loss, Buffy finds her mother dead in their house. Most of the episode’s power comes from how it’s shot. Odd framings, some use of over-exposure, only diegetic sound (no music) makes many of the first scenes feel airless and we feel Buffy’s shock. It feels more real and physical than TV normally does, bringing Joyce’s death directly to the viewer. The episode gives the Scoobies and us no room for resolution or catharsis, only loss.

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Buffy is mostly in shock and a bit in denial. She has a flashback to the Scoobies celebrating Christmas together and has two visions of saving her mother. With the paramedics on the way, Buffy realizes Glory could be to blame and calls Giles. He arrives after the paramedics have left, declaring Joyce dead and telling Buffy to wait for the coroner. When Giles goes to Joyce to try to help her, Buffy utters the heart-wrenching words that she was told not to disturb the body. Reality has hit home.

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When Buffy tells Dawn at school, Dawn, already having a bad day, is in full denial. She won’t believe Buffy. Later, at the morgue, Dawn’s disbelief leads her to go see her mother. There, instead of getting to peacefully see her mother, she is attacked by a vampire. Buffy is able to save Dawn – even in death, life goes on for the Slayer – and Dawn is able to see her mother. Buffy and Dawn share a moment, with Buffy telling Dawn the body is not their mother. Dawn asks where their mother is, reaching out to touch her, and the episode ends. The living can’t ever fully grasp the dead.

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The Scoobies all deal with Joyce’s death in their own way. Willow can’t figure out what to wear, panicking over her choice and trying to find the shirt that Joyce liked. Tara is helping her look, working to keep her calm. They even share their first on-air kiss. A beautiful moment of the love they share, even in death, and how they can be there for each other. Xander is angry. Angry that the doctors sent Joyce home to die. Angry enough to punch a hole in a wall. Anya is confused, asking questions that are inappropriate, because she doesn’t understand death.

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It is Giles and Tara who are holding the Scoobies together. Giles, like always, is able to be the father Buffy needs. Tara, who has lost her own mother, can empathize with all the Scoobies and accept their grief on their own terms. She shares a great moment with Buffy, reminding Buffy that grief is strange and she may think and feel things she can’t explain.

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In this episode, each of the Scoobies experience their own brand of grief. Joyce has died of an aneurysm, a possible side effect of the surgery, and the Scoobies have lost their mother.

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"Forever"

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Episode 17 of Season 5

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"I don’t know what we’re gonna do. I’m scared.”

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Original US airdate: April 17th, 2001 (aired directly before the Angel episode "Disharmony")

Rewatched: February 11th, 2023

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• Writer: Marti Noxon

• Director: Marti Noxon

• Guests: David Boreanaz, Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson, Joel Grey

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The Scoobies continue to grieve in this episode, but the focus to shifts to how Buffy and Dawn are (not) handling their grief and not communicating with each other.

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Buffy is busy planning Joyce’s funeral and is not ready for life to move on. After the funeral, Angel comes to visit. The two sit in the cemetery and share a moment. Buffy tells Angel that everyone expects her to be strong and know how to do everything, but that she’s unsure she can step up. She can be the Slayer, but her mother was the one who was strong in life and Buffy’s worried about filling those shoes, despite Angel reassuring her that she’ll figure it out with time. While Angel is ultimately right, Buffy will figure it out eventually, it’s easy to see how Buffy is very scared by the prospect of being alone with her sister at 20 (her dad is AWOL is Spain and can’t be reached, and Giles can only take on so much). The two end up kissing as Buffy seeks comfort, but Buffy realizes she shouldn’t be kissing Angel and sends him back to LA.

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Dawn, on the other hand, want Tara and Willow to help her raise her mother. However, Tara claims that “Magic can’t be used to alter the natural order of things”, which Dawn calls her on, saying that they mess with the natural order all the time. Tara, however, then says that “we don’t mess with life and death.” It should be noted that while Buffy was brought back at the end of season 1, this was done naturally (CPR) and she will be brought back at the beginning of season 6, but in this case her death was magical (as was Angel’s). However, Dawn in undeterred. Willow gives her a hint to look at a history book that she thinks will keep Dawn occupied without causing chaos. Unfortunately, it tells Dawn what spell to do, and Dawn gathers books and ingredients at the Magic Box, and then ventures farther away from home. Spike catches her gathering dirt at the cemetery and decides to help her. Dawn accuses him of doing it to get in good with Buffy, but Spike is adamant that Buffy never hear about it. Together, they meet with a magic expert named Doc and find a demon egg.

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Dawn sets out casting her spell at home and just as she finishes, Buffy finds her. And they let out all their feelings:

Buffy: Dawn, you know this is wrong. You know you can’t let this happen. Not to Mom.

Dawn: I need her. I don’t care if she… I’m not like you, Buffy, I don’t have anybody.

Buffy: What? Of course, you do. You have me.

Dawn: No, I don’t. You won’t even look at me. It’s so obvious you don’t want me around.

Buffy: That’s not true.

Dawn: Yes, it is. Mom died and it’s like you don’t even care.

Buffy: Of course, I care. How can you even think that?

Dawn: How can I not? You haven’t even cried. You’ve just been running around like it’s been some big chore or something. Cleaning up after Mom’s mess. [Buffy slaps Dawn]

Buffy: Dawn, I’ve been working, I’ve been busy because I have to.

Dawn: No, you’ve been avoiding me.

Buffy: I’m not. I have to do these things cause, cause when I stop, then she’s really gone. And I’m trying, Dawn, I’m, I’m really trying to take care of things, but I don’t even know what I’m doing. Mom always knew.

Dawn: No one’s asking you to be Mom.

Buffy: Well, who’s gonna be if I’m not, huh, Dawn! Have you even thought about that? Who’s gonna make things better, who’s gonna take care of us?”

Dawn: Buffy…

Buffy: I didn’t mean to push you away, I didn’t. I just couldn’t let you see me. Oh God, Dawnie, I don’t know what we’re gonna do. I’m scared.

Then, there’s a knock at the door. Whatever Dawn’s raised is there, and Buffy runs to the door yelling mommy. Dawn rips the picture of her mother, breaking the spell and they cry together. They are so consumed by their own grief they haven’t been able to see each other and how much they each hurt.

 

The rest of the Scoobies are also still mourning. Willow has taken to keeping a journal. Spike brings flowers, which Xander and Willow also say is his way to get in with Buffy, but Spike says Joyce was the only decent one of them and Willow notes Spike didn’t leave a card. Anya has more understanding of life and death, and finds life in sex with Xander. Giles listens to “Tales of Brave Ulysses” by Cream, which he and Joyce listened to in “Band Candy”. Grief hits and is processed in very personal ways.

 

Finally, two things happen that will be important later. First, Ben lets slip to one of Glory’s minions that the key is in human form, and while he tries to kill the minion to keep it from talking, the message gets to Glory. Then, Dawn observes that Doc is not human, but doesn’t tell Spike about what she sees, leading to him being underestimated in the next encounter.

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